My first assignment was to have a conversation with myself. For the goal setting course I took earlier in the summer (also taught by Elle) I had mapped out my goals and then had to write a list of stumbling blocks that would prevent me from reaching my goal. Elle personified these stumbling blocks, calling them the work of "the doubter." SHe asked me to stage a conversation with "The Doubter" and write it down. Since I apparently prefer typing to writing by hand (my handwriting has deteriorated, unfortunately), I sat in front of the computer and typed out the conversation I was having in my head in a very non-judgemental way. I typed exactly what I "heard" from the conversation that was going on in my head. It made me feel pretty insane, but in the end, I am pleased with the results and the sense of ease the exercise created. Some of the "conversations" actually turned out quite amusing and for some unknown reason, I will air the results, right here, on my thesis blog, since this is definitely part of my project and part of the process I am following.
Some excerpts:
Doubter: That's true. But don't you want to have an "amazing thesis"?
Me: I do. But this direction doesn't mean that I won't. This direction means that I have a place to start, and nothing more.
Doubter: Fair enough. But I'll be back in a few months to second guess you.
Me: I have no doubt that you will.
And:
Doubter: That's true. But will people be honest? Will they tell you it sucks?
Me: I think so. I try to encourage all kinds of feedback--negative and positive.
Doubter: Hmm. sometimes.
And:
Doubter: You might not be good at other stuff, you know.
Me: I know. I am scared about that. I don't even think I'm good at design. I still don't think I know what I'm "best" at. My dad has always said "anyone can make things with your hands. Not everyone can use their mind." That's biased me.
Doubter: whoaaaa family issues. this is about you. what does it mean if you fail?
